Envy , it can be a very insidious sin. But sometimes it is easier said than done to not succumb to it. The bottom line is when you see others enjoying either success or going to a job they generally enjoy , I admit it is one that I have to fight against . I currently don't have a paying job, which I know affects my thinking . Looking for a decent job has been a trial in patience and frustration. I know my body and I cannot do certain jobs without knowing it will cost me pain and problems in the future . So when I see someone going to career or job they truly like and even enjoy, I feel a bit of , why not me ?
I have been passed over from certain jobs I thought that I had a decent shot at , and after a while you begin to wonder if it is ever going to change. Plus at 47, the next position I get needs to make sense . It has to be something that long term I can do . It has to be flexible and fit into my wife's schedule. She is currently beating cancer and it makes me very aware of time spent with her. So no back shifts or split shifts.Not going to happen . Last , I want a job where I can go to and enjoy for a change. In all my working years I have never had that. If asking for that is a bit selfish , then so be it .
Having watched my Dad's body destroyed thanks to plant work and regretting not making changes in his 40's, it was a lesson watched and learned . It took me way too long to figure that out but I got it now.
As of right now , its like I'm stuck in the darkness of Mordor , seeking to destroy the ring of envy and missed opportunities that hang around my neck weighing me down. Perhaps its just over the horizon but sometimes , if I'm honest , it looks very dark and far away . I could wax at this point about some grand spiritual truth but that would dishonest . Sometimes all one can do is relate to the Psalmist and cry out where are you ? Its been a trying couple of weeks on many fronts and concerns for others have no question , pushed me deeper. Thats my head space today.
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Morning Babe: It has been a rough couple of weeks, sounds like you need a little reassurance. In my world, if employers knew what I knew, you'd be constantly turning down job offers. You'd be working at a job you, at the very least, liked.
Let's discuss your qualifications. This could take a while. I think I'll do this in point form:
1. Fantastic chef, can make healthy food taste like it isn't. Cooks for anywhere from 5 to 10+ people a night, with little or no warning, how many people are going to be at the table.
2. Manages to keep house from being condemned, despite living with a bunch of spoiled "Frat" boys, ranging from 4 to 8-10 of them, at any given time. Oh, I might add, he spoils them.
3. Married to a scarred up, cancer fighting, disabled wife whom he manages to make feel like a beautiful super model who can conquer the world. A woman who can look in the mirror and like what she sees. It's not like she can avoid the mirror, either. As a hairstylist, she works in front of one. Because of him, she's the most vain woman you'll ever meet.
4. Chief caretaker of an adult man, with autism, and a teenage son with Type 1 Diabetes. Manages to make both, plus disabled wife, never feel disabled.
5. On call 24/7/365 to anyone and everyone who needs a shoulder to cry on and advice to get through the day.
6. Up until recently, only chauffeur to many different people. All of whom, are going in all different direction.
7. Organizes and plans the household around all these different schedules.
8. Does all this while in chronic pain.
Dear Readers, it is not a complete list, but you get the picture. There's been a show on TV called, "When the Women Left Town." At our house, it would be "When the Reg Left Town". It would make a great reality show. However, most women would think it was scripted and that he was a paid actor.
On a personal note, I have been blessed to be at a job that I love. Recently, I've landed a second part time job that I get just as much joy out of doing. The only way, with my seizures, that I could do these jobs is with my Reg's encouragement and support.
Finally, Hon', if the rest of us had to actually pay for all that you do, we couldn't afford you. Without you, we'd be up a creek without a paddle.
Lastly, be selfish, I want you to find something that you can do. I knew your Dad, when he was in his 40's. I see what can happen. I don't want that for you. We'll muddle through. After all, God has promised He will never leave us or forsake us and He never breaks a promise. Love you, Mrs Reg
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