Let me state right out front , I have nothing against small groups in Church . They can be very good and a solid way for a large church to connect but sometimes it seems to me that at times they are forced clusters of what the church should be anyway.
Just like in real life over the last 20 years or so , life has become so regulated . We have kids in everything , we work and work to have more things and between living so much like the world and occupying ourselves with its slavish lifestyle , it leaves little time for a natural time for friends to get together. So what does the Church do , regulate its time for people to get together.
Getting together for a men's group or women's group is good . We are made for fellowship and community . It is healthy and a needed thing for growth and building up as a believer. But at the same time , it sometimes does not allow for the normal building of relationships within the church. The groups become the "thing" and people put little effort as I have witnessed from my point of view in connecting outside of these cliques.
If the world is to see that we are different , should it not see how we invest in each other as being important that goes beyond a over structured and regulated system that in my minds eye , looks much like the worlds over regulated life's. Friendships should be a priority , to cultivate and build and maintain. Men to men and women to women. I'm going to say something that some may not like but here it is. In my observations between men and women in churches , women tend to be much more removed and cliquish than men . Not in all cases , but that has been my observations . Perhaps its because they trying to be too many things in this fast paced world but that is what I have witnessed.
For the last year I have deliberately took a step back to watch and unless one enters into the inner circle of small groups and assimilable within , your are a outsider.
Here is the rub with me . If your life is so busy , so over structured that unless you fit small groups into your schedule you would have no contacts with people outside of the church , then your life is too busy . I realize life happens , things do happen but if we cannot step back and cultivate friendships normally and have people smile back at you at church if you say hi , then perhaps , its the wrong church to be in . Nuff said.
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This comment is in defense of women.
First of all, society tells us that we can be anything we want and do anything we want and have it all. Plus, if we marry and have children, they have to be perfect and take as many music and sports classes, that they can, to be well rounded and stay out of trouble. I have no idea how my kids managed to behave without out all of that.
On top of that, you have to be a "yummy mummy". No letting yourself go. Sometimes, my Mom's generation had it right. You reach a certain age and stage and you pull out the elastic waist pants and over size ugly shirt and relax. However, not so sure how good that is for your cholesterol.
Then,if you're a Christian woman, you have the pressures of the Proverbs 31 woman. All though, we seem to forget that she had servants, too. Even with them, I don't think she ever slept.
Then, there's the lie that some women say, "Men are so competitive. Women aren't like that." Crap! At least with most men, if there's a problem, they punch each other in the nose and it's over with. Not so, in the world of women. We have a memory like an elephant. Even though, we're supposed to forgive and FORGET. As any married man will tell you, we don't do it easily.
Im actuality, in the world of women, life is very competitive and it starts off early. The movie "Mean Girls" (with Lindsay Lohan) is not as far fetched as you might think. It's set in High School but it really starts in early elementary (it's just worse when the hormones hit).
So, after all this, we hit Church. Now, we have to be the Proverbs 31 woman. Plus, if we're shy, it's even harder. I am far from being a shy person and I have just as much fear of rejection as the next person.
However, we're commanded by God, in 1 John 4:20-21, "If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother."
So, on that note, I look forward to biting the bullet and getting to know my sister's in Christ. There's a couple of them that look promising. Love you, Mrs Reg
PS: Dear readers, don't fret. I do have a lot of female friends, now that my kids are older and I have more time..
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